I am planning a birthday party for my daughters this May. Georgia will be 3 and Olivia will be 1. And while thinking about this milestone I was struck by a few thoughts about motherhood and this journey so far.
I have probably said this before but I wasn't expecting to love being a mother so much. I knew that I wanted a family, but I hadn't put much thought into motherhood. To be honest, I haven't felt that I have really been on top of it so far. I have taken the approach that I am learning, that I will make mistakes, and that I need to give myself a break because I am doing my best. But am I really doing my best? This is the question that has been bouncing around inside of me for a few months. And I finally figured it out.
Actually, I haven't been doing my best. And by that I mean I have forgotten to bring a whole skill set that I posess to the job of motherhood. All the skills that I have as a manager, leader, and human resources professional somehow got left behind with the suits and heals. I haven't been applying all the techniques and philosophies I have about leading and inspiring people to my parenting. I denied that I was the Family Manager and somehow expected my husband to be a co-leader in a way that just doesn't work for us. Instead of doing what I know I was trying to develop a whole new set of skills to do the job of mom. And I didn't need to work so hard at trying to figure it out- I have known all along.
With few exceptions (okay, so an injured child most definitely gets a different response than an injured employee- I don't think hugging and saying it will be okay would have gone over well in the office!) my leadership and organizational skills are exactly what I need to feel successful as a mother. As a manager, I am a calm communicator, I listen, I am passionate about nurturing others, and I think I am fair and understanding. All the qualities that I want to possess as a mother.
Take, for example, the qualities of a good leader. After years of coaching others on leadership I realized I wasn't listening to my own advice. Good leadership starts with listening, funny enough. Great leaders inspire and nurture others, connect to bring out the best in their people, and recognize and reward the contribution that others make.
This lightbulb moment didn't happen as I gazed at the stars or looked into my daughter's eyes. It happened while watching "The Dog Whisperer". Yes, guilty of being a devoted fan of Caesar Millan and watching the marathon of episodes on the National Geographic Channel. When we had a dog, it was very useful, but now that we have kids it is extremely insightful. (I am quite certain that almost every quote he posts on Facebook could be applied to children)
"Calm and Assertive Pack Leader"- this is what Caesar teaches. And when I heard this the other night, it just hit me. That's what I want to be. Wait a minute. I already know how to do that. In our family dynamic, I am the pack leader. But I have been reluctant to take on my role. I was so apprehensive that I actually prevented myself from being the best mother that I can be. I haven't thought about it too much but I think the reason I did this was my fear of not being fun. I was very wrong in thinking that. As the calm and assertive pack leader I can make the fun and have more time to have fun with my kids.
So there you have it. A show that teaches people to understand their dogs taught me to bring my leadership qualities to motherhood. I remind myself daily to be a calm and assertive pack leader and it is something that really resonates with me. It is important to me, especially having girls, that I role model strength and confidence. And for the first time, I can safely say that I am confident as a mother.
