Tuesday, August 7, 2012

A very personal Confession~

A few nights ago, I was actually contemplating closing Kimberley's Kitchen. Overwhelmed and frustrated, I nearly threw in the towel. I didn't. Mostly because of pride and that little voice way in the back of my head that reminded me I would regret it. I took a long look (or think) at the things that were bugging me, and re-worked my business plan.
Every weekend I bake for my family for the week. Homemade granola for breakfasts, muffins or a quick bread for snacks, bread, and maybe granola bars or a treat. Most of what I make is very wholesome and healthy and we indulge in treats and desserts on the weekend. I was busy baking when my 4 year old, Georgia, walked into the kitchen and asked if she could help me.
I pulled her apron from the pantry and looped it over her head, and then wrapped the ties around her waist. At that moment she gave me a huge hug and started to cry. I asked her what was wrong (baking makes her pretty happy so I knew there was something bothering her).
If ever I thought a toddler could not articulate thoughts and emotions or express exactly how they feel and what they want, I was instantly reminded that children can actually communicate very well. If we bend down, look into their faces, and really listen.
She said to me, "I am sad that you are not doing your baker's market anymore. You haven't done it all summer and I miss it. I miss your friends from the baker's market. It made you so happy."
I was so overwhelmed by her amazing clarity, honesty, and compassion. I asked her if she would help me do one here in our new town. She said yes and asked if she could have her own table.
I have pursued my passions all my life. I vividly remember my Dad telling me to "do something I love." I have pursued what I love all my adult life and have had the support of friends and family along the way. When I embarked on Kimberley's Kitchen, with a 2 year old and an infant, it seemed a crazy time to take on an extra job and do extra work.
I have been doing this because I love it. It feeds my soul and gives me something. I believe that my purpose is to do what I am meant to do. And all the while I have hoped that one day, maybe one day, my daughters will see that pursuing my passion was worth it. That it was the right thing to do. Even if it meant that I was busy, and sometimes tired, and sometimes a little stressed. Even if it meant personal sacrifices and meeting deadlines. That, in the end, pursuing my passion would be something that my daughters respect me for and admire. And maybe they would even tell me so.
Little did I imagine that in my kitchen while baking bread, my beautiful, amazing 4 year old would tell me right then and there that Yes, pursuing my passion is the right thing to do. And that she wants me to keep doing it.
Children are amazing. They live life as fully (or more so) than we do. They experience it all, mostly unfiltered, and from the heart. They know about passion. It is their everyday existence.
So now that I have shared this with you and confessed to you that I almost quit, I have the reminder, for those times I feel like giving in (because I will). I will be reminded that I need to do this. For me. For you. And for my daughters.