Redefining SuperMom

Photo by Magna Vita Photography

As I approach the one year anniversary of the launch of Kimberley's Kitchen, I am taking some time to reflect on this year and looking to the year ahead. The subtitle of this post could easily be "Practicing What I Preach" because this year has certainly been filled with choices and circumstances that have challenged me in every way.

My career before candy-making was in HR. I often advised employees and managers on career planning. My philosophy is that there is one list. Not a "career" list and a "life" list. They are one and the same. You cross different things off in different areas of your life. But more importantly, the list is a set of priorities. 

My priorities since becoming a parent have been very clear to me. There have been many times when some things give way for others. This couldn't be more true of this past year. I have sacrificed a great deal for certain things. Most of the time I sucessfully strike a balance of parenthood and business, but my personal life has taken its toll. So typical, I put myself at the bottom of the list and I am really starting to feel it.

The pressure to be the SuperMom is incredible. I wasn't expecting to be affected by it but its just out there. (Do I need to see Gwyneth Paltrow do one more thing on my bucket list, better than I ever would?) And maybe some women are talking about it but I feel like we are expected to be Super in so many unrealistic ways. We are expected to look fabulous while working and caring for children and keeping everyone happy and have a perfect home and have achieved inner peace with our yoga practice. Its SO unrealistic that all these pieces come together ALL the time (without a lot of money and people to do the work for you).

Real Moms work, raise children, manage a family, clean a home, feed people, contribute to their community, and if they have time, go to the gym, read a book, do something alone. And we all have our priorities. And the age of our children makes a huge difference too. One infant, two under three, two not yet in school, all kids in school. This definitely impacts how much and what we can do.

Perhaps we could all collectively agree to give each other a break. To stop judging other moms. To start applauding each other for our accomplishments. I think of the moms I know and many of them are the top earner in the family, balance jobs and home, are beautiful, and are just good people. (I will never forget the way the director of my daughter's preschool reacted when I told her we only eat organic food. I was shocked by how judgmental and condescending she was). 

I have decided that being a SuperMom is about who my children are, how well I teach them to care for themselves and the world, and making a contribution to my community. Yes, the laundry piles up. But I know what my priorities are and I am practicing what I preach. I have a new list, much like the lists I advised so many to create. I acknowledge that in order to care for myself and my family best, moving to a small town with a big job and possibly some chickens is the best way for me to be a SuperMom.

The laundry will still be there tomorrow. As long as we are all wearing seasonally appropriate clothing, I'm okay with that.

Celebrate the Everyday

This is the cake that my 3 year old daughter made yesterday. With minimal help from me, I will add. What special occasion were we celebrating? Nothing, actually.

We bake together most days. We bake bread, pizza dough, flatbreads, loaves, cookies, scones, you name it. I prefer to bake than buy these items and she has loved baking with me since she could climb onto a chair. Baking is her special treat. More than the baked goods themselves. We use mostly organic and good quality ingredients, but I don't mind a little green buttercream frosting and sprinkles from time-to-time.

For this baking project, she very specifically asked to bake a vanilla cake with green frosting, sprinkles, and candles. She had obviously found the birthday candles in the pantry at some point and was planning when we would use them. She knows they are birthday candles. She also knew that we didn't have a birthday to celebrate. And just as I was about to say, "no, we only use candles for a birthday" I stopped myself and thought Why Not? Why not use candles just because, and for no special reason at all?

So we went about baking our cake, patiently letting it cool, whipping our frosting, and putting on the finishing touches. I lit the candles and she blew them out. It was delightful. We shared a piece of cake and tea (her "tea" was milk) and talked about how nice our cake was.

It occured to me later that night, that there is something really special about celebrating the everyday. Moms do so much to entertain and host parties and family celebrations. It is a lot of work and often stressful. But how often do we go all out for no real reason at all? It got me to thinking about other ways we could celebrate the everyday. (and all the reasons we should)

So now my new mantra for my family is Celebrate the Everyday. Celebrate the laundry, dishes, diapers, tantrums, picnics, flowers, good food- all the things that make life seem to ordinary. But these things are in fact what makes life truly remarkable. Family memories aren't about the big vacations and expensive birthday parties. Family memories are about the moments in between.

Less than Perfect

This blog post has been brewing for a while now. I have been anxious to get blogging again. But life gets busy and my little blog gets put at the bottom of the list. That is the thing about being a Mompreneur- the job of Mom always comes first.

So many things in my life seem to go to the bottom of the list when the unexpected happens. I'm not complaining. I love my life and have so much that I am grateful for. But I have watched myself put ME at the bottom of the list ever since having children.

I swore I would never do this. I thought I could avoid the pitfalls of all the moms I would watch on Oprah talking about trying to put themselves first. But gradually, in the past 3 years since first having Georgia, I have moved lower and lower down the TO-DO list of my life.

I think, like so many parents (this doesn't just happen to moms, by the way), I serve my family first. Its natural and actually comes from a good place in that I am one to serve others. In every part of my life, professionally and personally (and are the two actually separate?), I strive to be in service to others. And since staying at home I naturally became the parent that does more parenting, housework, planning, caregiving.

My husband is amazing. Let me just say that. Few people even know how hard he works. But ever since the day I met him he has worked harder than anyone I know. Taking care of his family and being a good employee. He is extremely supportive of me and my business adventures.

When I talk about taking care of myself, I mean time to exercise, see friends, be alone. What I would give for my 45 minute commute in the car to my office that I once had! And then arriving to work and talking to adults! And then the second that I think that I remember driving home from work and every day I passed a park and I would sob if I saw a mom walking with her child. The grass is always greener, right?

So I recently came to the conclusion that something's gotta give. Unlike my previous "perfectionist" self, I am starting to let the laundry pile up. There might be dust on a lampshade. Projects get post-poned. The kitchen is kept immaculate, however. I AM a germaphobe after all.

At the end of the day, I have come to accept that some things just won't be perfect. And perfect is kind of boring anyways. To add to that, I am less than perfect. I haven't returned to the elusive "pre-babies" weight (oh, and it is relatively easy after one, but something happens after two, just so you know). My hair isn't always done and I feel like I could always use a manicure (more to do with my confection profession, mind you).

Now that I have come to accept my less than perfect home and less than perfect self, it is easier to shift my priorities. Personal health and happiness is important to me for so many reasons. But the most important reason is my kids. I want to live a long, healthy life so that I can spend as much time with them as possible. I want to be here for them and be an example of healthy living.

I actually tell my 3 year old daughter, "choose to be happy" in an effort to teach her to change her mood. It really does come down to choice (bearing you are a safe, fed, sheltered human being). And choices about priorities are a parent's job. What I wish for my daughters to learn is how to make choices that take care of their own health and happiness AND allows them to be good to others. This is what I have learned so far. We will see how I do.

I vote with my fork

With the recent election in Canada and the upcoming election in the US, voting is on my mind. When I was a student I was a passionate voter. I truly believed in the power to change the world with my right to vote. I remember my first vote in Canada. I felt so empowered, so capable of making a difference. The positive messages about voting in the media recently reminded me of my youthful optimism.

Leading up to this election in Canada, I did not have that same optimism that I once had. I thought "this is a waste of time and money, the government will not be changed in this election, the political parties no longer speak to me, what's the point." It annoyed me to hear this cynicism in my head. But I couldn't help but think that this election was going to galvinize power for one party and fracture others. I thought it would do more damage than good.

I am not an overly political person in the traditional sense in that I don't belong to a party and I have voted for two different parties in my life. I don't talk about politics regularly and take my parents' marriage advice: don't discuss who you vote for if it isn't the same person, you just end up arguing.

I believe that every day, I vote for what I believe in with my food choices. The food I consume is a refelction of my values. My views of social welfare, environmentalism and sustainability, the world economy, human and animal health, and my role as a citizen is expressed with every food choice I make. It is a lot to wrap my head around. It can be overwhelming (well, its organic and its local but it has more than 5 ingredients- a Michael Pollan food rule). When do I prioritize nutrition over sustainability or carbon footprint? When do I take a stand against genetically modified food? When do I put quality over locally produced? It is very complex. And sometimes actually stressful.

What I tell people (hopefully before I start a rant about the food industry) is that food is my religion and my politics. I believe in my food values and they are very personal. I try not to shove it down people's throats. Sometimes I catch myself ranting about how people feed their kids (and I am allowed to rant on my blog, that's what it is about!) But in public, with people I don't know very well, I try not to express myself too strongly. My beliefs are mine and I have very strong opinions but I am not here trying to tell people how to eat. I observe, I reflect, and hopefully share my experience. I am not sticking lawn signs outside and buying advertising space. I am not campaigning.

Who is campaigning? Every company that benefits from my fork vote. Every major lobby group and corporation that influences the government, pharmaceuticals, health Canada, the healthcare system, the food industry. Remember doing one of those projects in school when you traced the journey of one of Canada's major exports- the farmers, the trains, the freighters? The complexity and enormity of the food industry goes much deeper than basic nutrition and supply and demand.

As an example, I will try to trace the path of an apple. An apple seems like a great food choice, after all, it is a whole food, nutritious, portable, requires no special packaging. But a conventional apple may be genetically modified (for shape, taste, color, uniformity) promoting agriculture with little or no biodiversity, sprayed with chemicals (manufactured by giant conglomerates that may or may not have your health and welfare in their best interest), harvested in an operation that uses fossil fuels and natural resources, packed, transported using fossil fuels, stored (for what could be months in cold storage, using natural resources in giant fridges), shipped (consider the manufacturing of trucks, pallets, etc), unpacked, unpacked again, sold by a business using natural resources, purchased, transported, stored, consumed. That's one exhausted apple! Now, I am a big fan of apples, have lots in the kitchen right now. But, is there a better choice? One that doesn't leave such a large footprint or cause harm? Perhaps. But what I hope to show with this example is that with one simple choice I have made a pretty big statement about a lot of complex issues.

Food has become really complicated. I don't often watch the Food Network and food shows but recently I was checking out the guide to see what is happening in the world of food television. On the one hand you have "cooks" showing you how to make a "meal" out of pre-packaged, processed food. On the other hand you have culinary competitions that are a spectacle and not exactly inspiring the home cook for dinner ideas. I think there is value in food tv entertainment, but we have more programming about food than ever before, and less people cooking.

While making my mom's great mac and cheese the other day I was thinking to myself, "why would you buy something in a box, this takes no time at all?" And then I asked myself, "what the hell are people doing while dinner is in the oven or on the stove that they can't prepare it from scratch?" They must be watching all this food programming. Because, as Jamie Olivier eloquently pointed out in maybe his first season of Naked Chef many years ago, you can make the sauce for the pasta in the time it takes to cook the noodles. Its a no-brainer.

Okay, yes, went on a rant. I do get worked up thinking about all of this. So I have come to some conclusions about voting with my fork. My priorities may shift, depending on what it is and what purpose it serves. But everything I feed my kids will be something of value and quality. Secondly, it seems like people are interested in food and cooking but aren't doing much of it themselves- I think this comes down to knowledge and skill. Finally, voting is a right that I feel so lucky to have and I wouldn't squander it but I don't have to wait every 2 or 4 years to be heard. I vote every day. I vote with my fork.

Who are you voting for?

work/life balance

In my corporate Human Resources career, this phrase is commonly used to attract talent and foster a positive work environment. Over time, I have developed the skills to put this into action in the workplace and have really committed to practicing what I preach. Work/life balance is important to me personally, but also important to me that others try to strike a balance in order to bring their best "selves" to work.

I wasn't always good at this though. Years ago, working for a little known coffee company (ahem) I lived and breathed my job. It was easy to be married to my job- I loved my job, the people I worked with, the work I did, and the life it gave me. I was a champion of multi-tasking, 70 hour work weeks, and having nothing left at the end of the day to give to friends and family. I definitely don't blame the company for this but it was highly encouraged to appear to be making sacrifices. But at the time, I enjoyed it and felt that it was helping propel me to bigger and better things. And as luck would have it, I met my husband while working countless unpaid hours of overtime. My priorities quickly changed.

I didn't know how to have work/life balance and struggled with it for a few years. It wasn't until I was so overworked and burnt out, looking for a change, that I did something that changed how I work. I am a list-maker. I had a Life list, a Career list, a to-do list. One day, I don't know why, I just merged my Life and Career lists together. This small change in perspective dramatically changed my life. I was offered two jobs- one very lucrative, high profile, exciting, dare I say "sexy" HR role with a large Canadian restaurant company. The other, not so lucrative job was with a local, family-owned, highly respected tourism company. Not as sexy. The two couldn't have been more different. The "sexy" job would have given me a gorgeous glass corner office and travel. And the other, well, not so much (and for those of you who know what my office looked like can giggle right now). But this not-so-sexy job had something else. Something from my Life list. It was in nature. I had "spend more time in nature" (while living in Yaletown!) on my Life list. But now it was on the Big list. This job was in nature. That was the first selling point.

The second selling point was the people. I have often told the story of my first impression when going for the interview at the not-so-sexy job. I parked in the parking lot, and a maintenance team member greeted me. I was floored. I though, "I want to work somewhere where the person picking up litter in the parking lot is so happy that they chat with guests." The third selling point was the "life" of the company. As I entered a boardroom for my interview, the HR Manager politely asked me to excuse the party decorations (that were overcrowding the room) because they had just had a big Caribbean party to celebrate the team. Who doesn't want to work somewhere that has a Caribbean party?

So, I took the not-so-sexy job. And from that point on, I worked very hard at developing the skills to have work/life balance. My personal life was full and my work life was fun and engaging. I didn't have to kill myself to prove my talent and value and I think I had the respect of my co-workers for being able to prioritize and plan well enough that I did more than my job but in a reasonable amount of time.

Skip ahead a few years and throw two kids in the mix. I am once again trying to strike the balance. It is especially challenging when I work from my home. I just try to remind myself, don't be a multi-tasker all the time, spend more time in nature, and the not-so-sexy jobs are usually the best.

Lessons Learned

Tomorrow is the 6 month anniversary of Kimberley's Kitchen. 6 months is a short time but for me it has been filled with milestones and lessons learned. My guide book is Martha Stewart's "The Martha Rules". Her straight-forward, practical advice to pursuing a passion is really a handbook for launching a succesful business. I refer to her rules daily as a compass for my decision making.

I have already learned so much about pursuing my passion. My first lesson was all about integrity. I learned that I don't want to compromise my product, my brand, my reputation, my time for anyone.

My second lesson has been about time. Running a business while being a full time mother to 2 under 3 and wife to 1 over 30 ;) requires great time management skills. I am a planner so I think I do a pretty good job of getting all the jobs done. Some days I am just happy that the kids are clean, fed, dressed, and having fun. Some days the laundry piles up because I have a lot of marshmallows to make. But there have been times when opportunities have arisen and I have had to ask myself if the time commitment is right for me. My husband put it well one day when I was contemplating taking on another project. He said, "put your time into what you want to be famous for. If this isn't about what you want to be famous for then don't do it." He was absolutely right. So now, that is the question I ask myself- is this what I want to be famous for?

The third lesson, and the most powerful so far, has been about having an open heart. I am an ideas person. I have a lot of ideas. It is often overwhelming and I can easily get caught up in trying to do too much. I used to feel very protective about my ideas and I was reluctant to share them. Since using social media and blogging I have learned to be more free with my ideas.

Having an open heart was tested last week when a Facebook follower started making marshmallows and posting her creations. My first reaction was to be protective of my ideas. But then she graciously credited me for inspiring her. We started to chat and now I have a new friend- a talented baker and marshmallow maker half-way across the world. I was reminded that creativity is something to be shared. And the passion I have for what I do comes from my heart.

I know that there are so many more lessons to be learned on this journey. But for now, I am happy to say that this adventure has surpassed my expectations so far. Thanks for letting me share it with you.

Kimberley

Shopping Carts

The other night, while grocery shopping after the kids were in bed, I saw what was the perfect example of "what is wrong" with our relationship with food in North America. What I saw was so alarming and yet so everyday that it struck me; the problem is actually quite straight-forward. And the solutions are simpler than we have imagined.

While lining up to pay, there were two women (a mom and adult daughter with children at home by what I could tell) in front of me with a cart full of groceries. And as I watched the items get unloaded onto the belt, I realized that every single thing was processed food. Not one piece of fresh food. The closest thing was a loaf of white processed bread. No dairy, egss, meat, vegetables, fruit. Not even a frozen or canned version of something resembling one of these items. And the saddest part was they were obviously shopping for children too- some gummy "fruit" snacks, drink boxes of "juice", "cereal", etc. It was actually heart-breaking. Their groceries came to over $250.

Then there was me. I didn't have much in my basket- shoes for my kids, organic yoghurt, and cheese.

The lady behind me had another cart full of food. Eggs, bread, vegetables, fruit, canned beans, household products, meat, cottage cheese, and pasta. In other words, mostly whole, real food. She didn't have anything that was an overly processed, packaged food.

The issues with the food industry, how they came about, and how we are eating now is very complex. It involves politics (mostly), socio-economic issues, health policies, well, you name it. But what struck me about the shopping carts in line was that it comes down to a few simple things: education (what is in food, how its made, what it does to you) and practical skills (how to shop for quality food, how to prepare and cook it). There is no shortage of good information out there on all these topics. So why aren't some people getting this information?

I think (and I will briefly touch on this but could seriously write a book on it) there are a few reasons. Firstly, I think there is a trend (and of course there are examples otherwise) that women with families now had mothers who worked in and out of the home, embracing shopping and cooking that was easier and faster and simply more convenient. Nothing inherantly wrong with needing to do that. As well, women with families now are working more than ever. Often two jobs outside the home or a full-time job and home business, oh and raise a family and care for a home and feed people. I think the workload for women, with all the modern conveniences we now have, has increased exponentially. (again, I am sure some brilliant researcher and author has captured this idea somehwere, I am just thinking out loud).

So we have women who may not have had a mom cooking at a stove teaching them the fundamentals of presoacking beans, to eating fast food as they motor through university and college degrees, work more hours than ever, and are caring for children in a pretty complex environment, sustaining marriages, commiting to their communities, starting small businesses, walking the dog, doing it al because DAMMIT we can do it all! Its exhasuting just writing about it. No wonder we didn't have time to learn to grocery shop and cook healthy food. Especially when we can drive up to Walmart and buy everything we need while getting the tires changed.

We all know what is happening to the state of human health in North America. Even if you only believe the mainstream health world, you know things are bad. Heart disease is killing a lot of women. And if you believe in alternative medicine, which is becoming more mainstream, there are so many things to be cautious of (the link of pesticides, etc to hormone based cancers, for example- ie. the idea that conventional food causes cancer). I think it is safe to say that most of us know that how and what we are eating is making us sick. (and not just what you put on your fork, but the production of food and its impact on the environment)

Back to the shopping carts at the grocery store. I believe that with every food purchase we make, we vote. I truly believe that the food we consume is the most powerful vote in the world right now. It has more impact on your health, the environment, and society than the car you drive and the gas you buy. It has more influence than marking an X on a ballot. You vote with every bite. You are saying, Yes, I support socially responsible, environmentally sustainable, local business, farmers, food producers with ethics and heart and a love for food. You are saying, NO, I won't consume food that is 100% harmful to my childrens' health and will cause years of miserable disease.

It really starts with making choices. We have more food choices than ever. If you want to choose food that is better for you, your family, the environment, and the world, learn about all the good food that is available to you. Ask questions. Start simple- change one thing (when I started eating organic I started with milk, and have added from there). There are hundreds of good books and websites on quality food. (http://www.michaelpollan.com/ , http://www.foodincmovie.com/ - watch this movie! - just to name a few) If you don't know where to start, think of what your priorities are: your health, the environment, social change- and then make a few changes from there. Whatever you do, don't bite off more than you can chew.

So, what's in your shopping cart?



ps. if you think its too expensive to eat healthy vs. fast food and convenience food I have a few ideas on that in my next blog post.